I've been giving a lot of thought lately to my moods and how they've affected how I've lived my life. A little background: When I was nine I became chronically depressed. Over time, as I went through puberty, it morphed into manic depression. The ups and downs seemed very extreme to me, but I hid a lot of it from my family. They knew about the depression (I was eventually put on Prozac, after all.), but I did a lot of crazy things during the manic times that I will never tell anyone about. There were several periods when I was even suicidal.
However, I was always brought back to reality by my love for my children and I even eventually fell in love with an intelligent man who seemed to "get" me and I was able to basically cure myself of my depression due to the almost overwhelming love that I felt. Unfortunately, I was never able to completely throw off the tendency to occassionally drop back down when things weren't great, though. After all, every relationship has it's problems.
So, like I said, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Especially since I have been accused a lot over the past few years of "overthinking", being "too sensitive", and "taking things too personally". Is it possible that it's all in my head? Just my perceptions? Perhaps a bias about how I think people who love each other should behave?
I took these thoughts and started looking for help, self-help to be more precise. I needed mentors to learn how to improve my outlook. I looked for people who seemed happy and successful themselves. I started listening to Kevin Trudeau's "You're Wish Is Your Command" (I know what people say about him, I didn't care. I liked his books, his enthusiasm, and I was too lonely and broke to be picky and I got it for free.) In his lessons, Kevin gave a recommended reading list to help listeners to better understand what he was teaching. In this list was a book called "Ask and it is Given: The Teachings of Abraham" by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
At first it confused me, I thought it was some kind of hoax or mass joke. But then I started to really listen and it started to resonate with my heart. I followed up with some research about Abraham and Esther and Jerry Hicks and it started to resonate with my mind as well.
And then I found out that Esther (Abraham) was featured in the movie "The Secret" (A movie I had never wanted to watch before) and then taken out due to a conflict with the movie's creator. I decided that I really wanted to watch this original version of the movie and, miracle of miracles, someone had uploaded the original version to youtube and it popped up in my "recommended by youtube" list.
Unfortunately, the movie has since been taken down. However, I definitely recommend that you watch it. It's been a game changer for me.