Dear Me 1

Once I start falling away from Joy, why must I cry before I can feel better?  Why must I fall so far before I can begin to soar again?  If my fall is sparked by being let down by someone I had faith in, is there a way to avoid lighting that spark without losing connection with humanity?  Or must I choose between deliberate isolation and this painful, crashing, repeating wave of emotions?  I am getting better at staying even and happy for longer periods, but, when I crash, I crash hard.  The crying usually happens on the way back up.  Perhaps the way to avoid falling so far is to cry more often?  Hopefully soon, I will be spending most of my time feeling like laughing. Baby steps, I guess.

Falling, Floating

     Have you ever given so much thought to the fact that you live on a speck of dust that is hurtling through infinite space while spinning and wobbling that you had to lay down and hang on to something because you started feeling like you were going to fall off the planet?

Are you lucky?

I'd like to start by saying that this topic was not my idea.  It was suggested to me by a friend that found some money unexpectedly.




Was he just lucky?




Not to downplay his experience, but I don't believe in luck.  Not really.




I used to.




I used to think I was the luckiest person in the world because I got everything I really wanted.  It just came unexpectedly, after I stopped obsessing about it.




And then one day it just went away.




I thought I'd lost my good luck.




Recently, however, I realized that this was not the case.  I'd simply misplaced it.




You see, I had stopped thinking about what I wanted.  I was doing my best to be a good mother and girlfriend and, instead of wanting things for myself, I was doing my damnedest to get what everyone else wanted.




And I was succeeding.


Bring it on, baby!  I'm back!


Have a "lucky" day!


Much love,


Tory Ann